Perhaps for some time now you have been repeating sentences that are supposed to restore your trust in yourself, yet the feeling inside stays the same. Or you notice that it is easier for you to look after others than to accept your own needs, and that praise does not stay with you for long.
If this is happening to you, you are not the exception. In the books of Dr Jelena Đorđević, a lack of self-confidence and self-love is seen not as a personal weakness, but as the trace of experiences from childhood, from the family system and from what is passed down through the generations. That is why, in this approach, affirmations are also used differently from what we are used to.
Below, you will find an explanation of why ordinary positive sentences often do not work, what working with affirmations looks like in systemic self-exploration, and which sentences from her books you can use for self-love and a sense of your own worth.
Why positive thinking often does not work
In the book Codes of Consciousness, the author explains that the psychology of so-called positive thinking often “does not work” because we try to change ourselves by changing only the surface structure of the personality. Beneath the surface remain the emotions, concepts and beliefs we have brought with us from our family, and they continue to shape the people and situations we attract.
We cannot change anything in our lives until we change our conditioned inner structure. (from the book Codes of Consciousness)
Visualisations and positive affirmations, as the book Soul Codes puts it, are good mental training, but despite temporary improvements, lasting happiness eludes us for as long as we seek it in external sources. Change begins when we turn our attention inwards.
Where the feeling that we are not worthy enough comes from
The books describe several sources. The first is the relationship with ourselves that was shaped through our experience with our parents or carers, because the images we formed back then became our image of ourselves. If a child does not receive enough support and trust, a sense of security and self-confidence develops only with difficulty.
The second source is family heritage. A sense of inferiority, humiliation or shame, according to the books Codes of Success and Soul Codes, can be passed from generation to generation, so that we carry it even though we personally took no part in the events from which it arose. In the book Soul Codes, shame is described as the feeling that we are not good enough or worthy enough, a feeling that is not necessarily real or justified.
The third source is the feeling of not belonging. The book The Path of Healing says that we then believe we must work very hard in order to be seen, loved and accepted.
How to work with affirmations in systemic self-exploration
The book Decoding the Soul describes how the healing sentences from systemic constellations, which Bert Hellinger calls magic formulas, were turned into a tool for working on your own. Here an affirmation is not spoken as a statement about yourself that the mind has to accept, but as a conscious intention that sets a process of relief in motion.
That is why the sentences begin with the words “I wish to become aware of”, “I wish to eliminate obstacles”, “I wish to heal” or “I wish for … to mature in me”. These four forms correspond to four approaches: bringing into awareness, eliminating obstacles, healing and maturing.
The way of working is simple. Think or quietly say one sentence, stay with it for two to three minutes and follow what is happening in your body. If an emotion, a thought or a bodily sensation appears, the book suggests that you consciously intensify it and stay with it until you feel a change. When your thoughts pull your attention away, feel free to repeat the sentence several times.
Affirmations for self-love and self-acceptance
These sentences come from the books Decoding the Soul and The Path of Healing, from the sections devoted to relieving the relationship with yourself:
- I wish to become aware of love for myself.
- I wish to eliminate obstacles to loving myself.
- I wish to eliminate obstacles to accepting myself.
- I wish to eliminate self-destructive concepts and beliefs.
- I wish to eliminate the fear of rejection.
- I wish to eliminate the fear of not belonging.
The book Decoding the Soul also suggests a more personal form: “I wish to become aware of love for”, followed by your first name and surname. Alongside the sentences about self-love, the same book suggests that you direct your attention to your heart.
In the book Codes of Love, self-love is described as accepting your personality, your conditioning and your physical body. From it also flows love for others, as accepting others just as they are.
Affirmations for self-confidence and self-worth
For self-confidence and a sense of your own worth, the books Codes of Success and The Path of Healing also contain these sentences:
- I wish to increase my awareness of my own worth.
- I wish for my self-confidence to grow.
- I wish to eliminate obstacles to seeing my own potential.
- I wish to eliminate obstacles to seeing and accepting my own emotional needs.
- I wish to eliminate obstacles to seeing my own power.
Alongside them, the author also offers presence exercises, such as the sentences “I am” and “I am the Absolute”. They direct attention to our essence, rather than to a self-image that needs fixing.
If you are accompanied by strong fear, shame or deep sadness, bear in mind that systemic work does not replace professional psychological or medical help when it is needed.
In this approach, self-love is not an attitude to be acted out in front of the mirror. It is a process in which, sentence by sentence, we let go of what we have inherited and return to what we already are. Begin with one affirmation and give it a few minutes of silence.