Pride is often confused with self-respect. We say someone is proud of their work, their family, what they have achieved, and there is nothing wrong with that. But there is also a different kind of pride: the kind that does not let us admit a mistake, ask for help or see value in someone who thinks differently.
In systemic work this difference matters. It is precisely this second kind of pride, arrogance, that can be the last obstacle on the way to a calmer life, often in people who have already done a great deal of work on themselves.
This text draws on the books Soul Codes and Codes of Consciousness and explains how pride and humility are understood from a systemic perspective.
Pride on the scale of consciousness
On Dr David Hawkins’s scale of consciousness, which the books use as a tool for understanding emotions, pride has a value of 175. This is above anger, desire, fear, grief, apathy, guilt and shame, but still below the threshold of courage, which has a value of 200 and marks the beginning of the ascent towards higher states of consciousness.
The book Soul Codes describes pride as a phase in which we still carry the burden of arrogance that prevents us from seeing the true value in others. We may already have freed ourselves from lower emotions such as anger or grief, but pride remains as an obstacle. Codes of Consciousness adds that in this state we can still be arrogant towards God, towards life and towards other people.
“Humility is the ticket to higher states of consciousness.” (from the book Codes of Consciousness)
How pride shows itself
According to the book Soul Codes, arrogance usually shows itself through an excessively high opinion of oneself, the belief that we are superior or better than others, and a tendency to dismiss or belittle other people and their opinions. Pride can lead to arrogance, selfishness and resistance to change or to different views of the world.
In everyday life this can look quite ordinary: it is hard for us to say “sorry”, to accept advice, to admit that we do not know something. Or, in the family system, to accept our parents as they are, because deep down we believe we would have done it better.
What humility is
Humility is the opposite of pride. The book Soul Codes describes it as modesty and a willingness to value other people, to accept our mistakes and weaknesses, and to ask for help or support when we need it. Humble people do not seek attention or recognition for what they do, but act from the heart, without the need for confirmation or a sense of superiority.
Humility is not humiliation and it is not belittling yourself. It does not say “I am worth less than others”, but “no one is greater or lesser than others”, and that includes me. That is where its strength lies: it frees us from the effort of constantly proving our worth.
The book Codes of Consciousness describes pride and humility as two opposite aspects of human character that often play an important role in our behaviour and our attitudes towards life. According to this book, humility helps us open up to a deeper understanding of reality and the realisation of oneness. It allows us to continue on the path of self-knowledge, to accept our true nature and to reach inner peace.
Hellinger’s view of humility
As the book Soul Codes states, Bert Hellinger considered humility key to healing and understanding within family and other systems. Humility allows a person to accept their place in the system, without trying to take on roles that do not belong to them or to change the order that the system naturally has.
According to Hellinger, humility means acknowledging that everyone has their place and importance in the system, and that no one is greater or lesser than others. Such humility frees us from old burdens and opens the way to love and acceptance. It also helps us see things as they are, without prejudice or illusion, which is the foundation for deeper understanding and reconciliation.
Here you can see why pride is so common in family entanglements. A child who tries to save their parents, to carry their burdens or to correct their destinies, deep down believes they can do more than them. Healing begins when that child bows before the parents’ destiny and accepts that the child is small and the parents are big.
How to begin
Working on pride does not begin with judgement, but with honest observation. These questions can help: Where do I find it hard to admit a mistake? From whom do I find it hard to receive? Whom in my family do I judge, believing that with me it would be different?
When pride is brought into awareness, it settles. Then what the book Soul Codes describes as the condition for a higher state of consciousness becomes possible: to value others, to accept our place and to live from the heart, not from the need to be above.