Perhaps you find that in front of your boss, or any authority, you feel small, that you stay silent when you should speak up, or that you resist even when there is no need to. Perhaps you work hard, yet your work goes unnoticed. Or you find it hard to make a decision and take the first step.
From a systemic point of view, themes like these often lead back to the same source: the relationship with your father. Together with the mother, the father is one of the two key figures of our individual unconscious. A child's earliest experience with mother and father is an experience of the original feminine and masculine energy, and on it we later build all our projections about ourselves and others.
Let us look at how this relationship is reflected in authority, work and personal power.
Father and the masculine principle: strength, movement, work
The masculine principle is the active principle. It is our strength, our movement, the work we do, the actions we take and the energy of awareness with which we set out on the path of self-realisation. The feminine principle is the principle of manifestation, while the masculine is the principle of awareness and will.
A mature masculine principle brings us the manifestation of creation and the increase of abundance through creation. It is our work, what we do in life in order to manifest abundance, in order to express ourselves. (from the book Decoding the Soul)
When this principle is mature, there also comes an awareness of your own worth, strength and abilities, and your expertise and knowledge are recognised and valued. In the book Codes of Success, the masculine principle is linked with professional business skills and the feminine with personal business skills, and only their balance leads to the full expression of potential.
For every child, the first living model of the masculine principle is the father. That is why unresolved matters from the relationship with him often show up precisely where we need to act, decide and stand behind our work.
Authority: how your father shapes your relationship with bosses and rules
In the order of love, parents are in a position of authority; they are ‘big’ and children are ‘small’. This position is natural and gives the child something to lean on. Difficulty arises when the order is disturbed: when a parent, because of their own wounds, asks the child to look after them, or when the child refuses to accept the parent as they are.
The book Soul Codes describes how a sense of helplessness and lack of control over your own life may stem from family dynamics in which domination and control, or excessive dependence on authority, were present. The book Codes of Success adds a collective layer: through the generations we may carry a sense of inferiority, powerlessness or deep mistrust towards authorities and structures of power.
In the book Decoding the Soul, this is also recognised as the control drama. Each of us carries a basic life drama learned in the family and repeats it until we become aware of it. That is why it is important to become aware of your father's control drama and your own role in it.
Signs that your relationship with your father is affecting your work
These themes do not always show themselves obviously. Some possible signs are:
- difficulty making decisions and expressing your own needs
- fear of taking the initiative or responsibility in a team
- a feeling of powerlessness to act independently
- mistrust of superiors and fear of domination
- work that brings neither recognition nor abundance
These are not diagnoses, but invitations to look deeper. Behind these patterns there is often an unconscious loyalty to the family and a burden that is not ours.
How to connect with your father's strength within you
The first step is acceptance. There is no need to idealise your father, but it is important to see him as your father, the only one you have, and to receive life from him. In constellations, order is restored with simple sentences: ‘I receive, and you give.’ When we carry his burden, we are set free by lovingly returning what belongs to him.
Systemic self-exploration begins with intentions such as ‘I wish to become aware of my father within me’ and ‘I wish to optimise the energetic order with my father’. It continues with becoming aware of the control drama, and in work on the masculine principle and on work itself there is also the request ‘I wish to optimise my father and mother within me’. There is also contemplation of the questions: What was my father like? Who is my father?
Releasing attachment to your father is a process that takes time. It works best when self-exploration is combined with systemic constellations, which show the wider picture of the family system. If there is a serious hurt in this relationship, systemic work does not replace professional psychological or medical help when it is needed.
When our father takes his place within us, authority stops being a threat or a burden and becomes a support. From that place it is easier to stand behind your work, to make a decision and to live your own strength, in balance with your mother and the feminine principle within you.